Yet another link on emotional purity

The post today is from visionarydaughters.com.  This is the blog of the Botkin sisters, Anna Sophia and Elizabeth.  Their writings are aimed more so at young women, but of course, guys can check it out as well!  Their article is very well written and has many interesting points.  I’ll admit that God convicted me of some sins in my own life through this post.  Here is the link. http://visionarydaughters.com/2009/04/how-not-to-heat-your-veins-and-fire-your-brains  Enjoy!

~Tee-Kaye

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Here I go again…

You all have probably gotten tired of my many posts on this subject.  But it is something that I feel very strongly about.  Have you guessed what it is yet?  Yep, it’s emotional purity. 

I found a really good blog post on the subject by Lauren Reavely.  Here is the link to it, http://lauren-reavely.blogspot.com/2009/02/look-no-hands-re-defining-view-of.html .  Lauren does a very good job explaining the issue.  She expresses everything so eloquently, and points out many good scriptures pertaining to emotional purity.  It is definitely worth the read.

~Tee-Kaye

Thoughts on holiness

The other day as I was pondering over the meaning holy, and interesting thought struck me.  So you may understand how I came to my conclusion (which I’ll mention later), let’s review just a bit.

I said yesterday that holy means to be set apart to something.  We as Christians are called to be set apart to God.  In everything we do, whether thoughts or actions.  Now, I understand that holy is generally seen as only a religious term.  However, going back to the original meaning of the word, holy can be applied to many things.  For example, a lot of older siblings can say that there possessions are holy (or any sibling for that matter).  The possessions are set apart to them and for their use alone. 😉  While I wouldn’t encourage turning holy into an everyday word, this brought an interesting thought to my mind.

It happens to be along the lines of emotional purity.  Guys may have a semi difficult time understanding everything this post, but hang in with me.  Girls, I know how hard it is not to give away your heart.  This is one of my personal struggles as well.  I know what it is like to see a boy and have your mind jump to wondering if he’s “the one.”  You begin to daydream about him.  Schoolwork becomes even more of a chore because you’re thoughts keep drifting to this certain someone.  I have spent hours employed in daydreaming, and I can wholeheartedly assure you that it is a pathetic waste of time.  Not only does it take time away from serving God and other more useful pursuits.  But to quote Ecclesiastes 8:7, “Since no man knows the future, who can tell him what is to come?”  We do not know what the future holds for us.  So every minute we spend thinking (or obsessing) over anyone is a wasted one. (Guys, don’t think your getting out of this one.  It applies to you too.)  2 Corinthians 10:5 commands us to “…take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.”   Also, 2 Timothy 2:22 says, “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”

You are probably asking yourself by now, “What does this have to do with holiness?”  Let me explain.  Remember that being holy means to be set apart to something.  Generally it is referring to us being set apart to God, but it can be used for anything.  Now, I know from experience how hard it is to keep my thoughts pure.  But the other day I thought of something interesting.  Each of us, of whom God has ordained for marriage, are holy to our future spouses.  God has meant for our emotions to be for them alone.  Our whole selves are set apart, first to God of course, but also to our future husband or wife.  Because of this, any thought or flirting action towards someone other than your future spouse is a desecration of this set apart-ness.  You are meant for them alone, and it is in essence defiling yourself and that future relationship.

Now here is where I must stress the Ecclesiastes passage I mentioned earlier.  Some people might say, “But I know who God has for me!”  But “Since no man knows the future, who can tell him what is to come?”  We cannot know for certain what the future holds.  This especially true for young people (those who are not of marrying age).  You do not know what God has for you in the future, so it is worthless to spend time thinking about it now.  Even if this certain person is who God has for you, right now is not the time to spend dwelling on it.  In many places I have read that while we are single is the time to be pursuing hard after God and His truths.  When we are married, we will have more responsibilities.  We will not have as much time as we do now to study the Scriptures and learn more about God.  But if we are obsessing over the future, we are wasting the precious time God has given to us now.  Ecclesiastes 8:5,6 says, “Whoever obeys His command will come to no harm, and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure.  For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter.”  Right now is our time to be focusing on God.  Not our future with some boy (or girl).

Again, I know how hard it is to not think about such things.  But we need to acknowledge our weakness, and seek strength from God.  Like all sins, this is not a matter we should ignore.  Seek to please God in every area of your life.  Even in your thoughts and dreams.  Learn to cry out to God,

Whom have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:25,26)

Soli Deo Gloria!

~Tee-Kaye

Courtship, what is it?

I have a friend who is currently going through a courtship, so I’ve had this subject on my mind quite a bit for the past few months.  I’ve finally decided to share my own views of courtship.  Please feel free to discuss your own in the comment section. 😉

I was looking at an article today that was comparing a few of the different schools of thought on this subject.  For one word, courtship can sure have a lot of different meanings, depending on the person.  My views were a little bit different than most of the ones in the article.  Here’s the article for you to check out yourself. http://www.unlessthelordmagazine.com:80/articles/Courtship%20Approaches.htm

The article talks about the major catagories of differences.  To quote: “These include: (1) The degree and form of parental involvement; (2) How to choose whom to court/betroth; (3) the timing of romantic emotions; and (4) the timing of forms of physical contact.”  I’m going to go through all of these and give my own take on them.

1-The degree of parental involvement

I believe this is very essential, on a high level.  More that just supervised dating, the parents need to be actively involved, talking with their son/daughter about the relationship, and accessing the relationship constantly.  I don’t quite believe that the parents should initially propose the courtship, but I like how in the case of Kelly Brown, her dad had completely evaluated Peter Bradrick before she even knew anything was going on.  I am a firm believer that the guy should go to the dad first, before any intentions are known.  This shows that he has respect for her dad, and for her.  He wants to protect her from getting attached if the courtship isn’t meant to be.

2  – How to choose whom to court

I agree with the parent-directed version quoted here.  “Those advocating more of a parent-directed courtship encourage looking for mates through other families the parents become acquainted with – families similar to your own with many of the same beliefs and convictions. Those teaching more of a youth-directed approach speak mostly of finding candidates at Bible school, at church groups for college or singles, or at work or ministry activities.”  Something I also am more conservative on is when to court.  I agree with S. M. Davis on this area.  That, as far as is possible, you should be absolutely sure that this person is the one that God has designed for you and that this courtship will end in marriage.  I don’t believe it should just be checking the other person out.  That’s what dating is.  No matter what you do, there will be emotional ties made as you get to know the other person, and I don’t think those ties should be with anyone but your spouse.

3 – the timing of romantic emotions

I believe that romantic thoughts and emotions are meant only for your spouse.  You should not allow these to be kindled until you are positive that the relationship will end in marriage.  Generally this means after engagement.

4 – The timing of forms of physical contact

With this, I believe kissing is not even something that should be debated as being before the wedding day.  I don’t believe light hugging or holding hands is even something that should be done before engagement.  I’m not even sure there should be physical contact before marriage.  You do not really belong to each other yet, so you should keep your hands off so to speak. 😉  But I haven’t thought that through as much.

So that’s my basic thoughts on the subject.  Most of my convictions came from S. M. Davis’ sermon entitled, “Seven Biblical Truths Violated by Christian Dating.”  This really opened my eyes to how close to dating some views of courting actually are.  I would highly recommend everyone to listen to Mr. Davis’ sermon.  It’s available at visionforum.com.

I’ve ordered a book on courting, so after I receive it and read it I’ll probably have more to say on the subject. 😉

~Tee-Kaye

Of brave knights and fair maidens

We all know and love those wonderful fairy tales that we grew up listening to.  A maiden stuck in a tower waiting for a knight to scale the walls and free her from her prison.  Or a princess held captive by a dragon or some other giant mean thing. ; )  While these stories are “fairy tales” and wrought with many things that aren’t true that we shouldn’t put our hopes in. (Like love at first sight, etc.)  But I think that there is something important that we can learn from these works of fiction.

First of all, which of the two, the knight or the fair maiden, was the one in trouble? ; )  Us girls need to realize that we are the weaker (that doesn’t mean less valuable) of the two.  We need to let men be the ones who save us, not us always brushing off their attempts to help.  Now that’s a whole other topic, so I will move on to the real one I want to address.

Next, what did the knight have to do?  He had to work to achieve the fair maiden’s hand.  He had to scale the wall or fight off the dragon.

We hear often times about girls who flaunt themselves showing that they can be “saved” with very little work beforehand.  But I think this can also apply and the smaller level of emotional purity.

Girls, if we wear our hearts on our sleeve by flirting with guys, or making it obvious who we like, aren’t we making it easy for a guy to steal our hearts?  In all the good books, we read of the man having to win the heart of the woman he loves.  But if we easily give our hearts away, what is there to win?  I’m not saying that you should be mean to a guy by making him work overly hard to win you. (None of my friends are close to coming into a situation like that though, so I don’t really need to worry. ; )  But we shouldn’t be so quick to give our hearts away.  Especially since we really don’t know if that guy is the one who should receive our heart.

I listened to a sermon on a cd we got from Vision Forum called “7 Biblical Truths Violated by Christian Dating.”  In it the speaker said something that intrigued me.  He said that we need to follow the Adam principle in how we look for a mate.

Adam was put in charge of naming all the animals.  But after having named them all, he found that there was no helpmeet suitable for him.  God told him not to worry, and put him to sleep until his helpmeet was ready for him.  The speaker said we need to do the same thing.  We know that we were designed to get married (thought there are a few that God has not called to marriage) but we need to put to sleep those desires within us, until God wakes us up.  And you can be pretty sure that if you are not old enough, or mature enough to be married, God wasn’t the one who woke you up.  Go back to sleep! ; )  And if you aren’t sure, go to God in prayer, asking if this wake up call is from him or not.   Seek godly counsel from your parents, or someone else that you trust.  It is completely useless to wake up and indulge your desires before it is time to.

So remember, be a maiden worth working for, go to sleep, and wait till God wakes you up!

 Good night! ; )

If your friend’s jumped off a cliff…

    Once upon a time, there was a queen.  She was a wise and kind ruler.  All of her servants were very devoted to her.  There was one special servant, who was the wisest of them all.  He had the special job of driving the queen’s chariot.  Unfortunately, he was getting up in years and one day he died.

    After the funeral, the queen set about finding a servant to fill the now vacant position.  But not just anyone could fill this position.  They had to be strong and wise.  One by one the queen interviewed the servants in front of the court.

    The first interviewee came before the queen.    She asked him, “If we were driving on a mountain and came to a place where the road on one side was a cliff going straight up, and a on the other side a cliff going straight down.  How close to the edge would you drive me?”

    The young man, puffing out his chest a little said, “Oh my queen, I could quite easily take you within one foot of the edge!”

    The queen thanked him and called in the next man.  She asked him the same question.  He proudly said, “I could steer you within in 1 inch of the edge!”  Again the queen thanked him and called for the next man.

    When the third young man came up she again asked the question.  But this time the young man said, “My queen, you are a very important person.  If I was your driver, I wouldn’t risk your life by taking you even close to the edge.  I would steer as far away from it as possible.”

    The queen answered, “You are truly wise!  You understand that when there is potential danger, the answer is not how close you can get to it without getting hurt.  The answer is to stay as far away as possible.”

    So this young man was made the new driver for the queen.  And many that day learned a lesson from his wisdom.

Now, if any of you have listened to “Passport to Purity” you should recognize they story.  I’m afraid it is quite different than the original though.  It’s been awhile since I listened to it and don’t remember the story that well so I took the idea and went with it. ; )  But anyways, the lesson is still the same.  When there is a cliff, don’t see how close you can get to the edge without falling off, you should stay as far away from the edge as possible.

Now, in “Passport to Purity” they used this parable to talk to physical purity, but I believe it can be applied to emotional purity as well.  Let me explain.

Some people think “What’s wrong with a little flirting?  It won’t hurt anyone!”  But by flirting, you are defrauding the other person.  If you truly like the person, by flirting you are indulging the feelings that in most cases are not right.  And if you don’t like them, you are living a lie.

Some will say, “But if you don’t flirt, how will they know that you like them?”  But, in all honesty, you should never let the other person know that you like them unless you are in a relationship headed towards marriage!  Think about it, if you both are not mature enough to get married, what point is there to knowing you like each other.  It’s not like there is anything you can do.  You are just going to have to wait and this opens up a door to other sins.  (i.e.  where your thoughts could lead you)   God says “Since no man knows the future, who can tell him what is to come?” (Ecc. 8:7)  You do not know for sure if this young man is who God has chosen for you!  By liking him you are giving your heart to someone who, for all you know will be another girls husband!  Not only that, but if you are focused on him, you are not focusing on God.  You are wasting precious time when you could be serving God and others, not yourself by flirting and bringing attention to yourself.

Many people have told me I’m much to shy around guys.  That I could get more guys to like me if I were more outgoing and flirtatious.  So the purpose of my life is to get as many guys to like me as possible?  No!  That’s what the world thinks their purpose is.  But the Bible says it’s to glorify God and enjoy him forever.  Not go out and break a lot of hearts.  We are called to a life that is holy and blameless.

So you see, the question is not, how much can I flirt with danger without getting hurt.  You need to flee youthful lusts and pursue Christ and righteousness.

Well, that’s my five cents.  Sorry if I come off a bit harsh.  I’m becoming quite passionate on this subject.  But I do hope that this caused you to think.  If anyone has any questions, comments or gestures of defiance, please use the comment section.

Sola Deo Gloria!

~Tee-Kaye

Is it okay to be”just friends” with a boy?

Boy, the names of my posts up till now have been awfully boring. ; )  I shall attempt to remedy that!

Anyways, here’s yet another link.  It’s from Girl Talk again.  It addresses the question I used in the title.  It’s very interesting and has a lot of wisdom in it.  Please read what they have to say before moving on to what my thoughts are.

http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/2005/10/q_a_2.html

When I read this I couldn’t help but laugh because I had asked this very question of my dad just two weeks ago!  He told me that it’s possible to be just friends with a boy, but…  you have to have a LOT of wisdom and very good accountability.  As Mrs. Bradshaw said, guys read into things like girls do.  Especially as they grow older.  So whether or not you can be friends with a guy is highly dependent on the guy as well.

Something that should highly be taken into consideration is your own motives for wanting to be friends with that particular guy.  Is it because you like him?  Or because you are longing for male attention?  When you are looking for that attention, that is what leads to flirting.

Mrs. Bradshaw also talked about treating the guys in your life as you would your brother.  But you still need to be very careful while doing this.  A few years ago I was using the excuse that I was treating one of my brother’s friends like I did my brother, but I was really flirting with him.  I still was not treating him correctly.  I wasn’t being mean to him, but I was definitely flirting.  So I decided that I needed to treat him more like a younger cousin.  Respectfully, yet not getting too personal.

Well, that’s all I have for today. 

Sola Deo Gloria!

~Tee-Kaye