Courtship, what is it?

I have a friend who is currently going through a courtship, so I’ve had this subject on my mind quite a bit for the past few months.  I’ve finally decided to share my own views of courtship.  Please feel free to discuss your own in the comment section. 😉

I was looking at an article today that was comparing a few of the different schools of thought on this subject.  For one word, courtship can sure have a lot of different meanings, depending on the person.  My views were a little bit different than most of the ones in the article.  Here’s the article for you to check out yourself.

The article talks about the major catagories of differences.  To quote: “These include: (1) The degree and form of parental involvement; (2) How to choose whom to court/betroth; (3) the timing of romantic emotions; and (4) the timing of forms of physical contact.”  I’m going to go through all of these and give my own take on them.

1-The degree of parental involvement

I believe this is very essential, on a high level.  More that just supervised dating, the parents need to be actively involved, talking with their son/daughter about the relationship, and accessing the relationship constantly.  I don’t quite believe that the parents should initially propose the courtship, but I like how in the case of Kelly Brown, her dad had completely evaluated Peter Bradrick before she even knew anything was going on.  I am a firm believer that the guy should go to the dad first, before any intentions are known.  This shows that he has respect for her dad, and for her.  He wants to protect her from getting attached if the courtship isn’t meant to be.

2  – How to choose whom to court

I agree with the parent-directed version quoted here.  “Those advocating more of a parent-directed courtship encourage looking for mates through other families the parents become acquainted with – families similar to your own with many of the same beliefs and convictions. Those teaching more of a youth-directed approach speak mostly of finding candidates at Bible school, at church groups for college or singles, or at work or ministry activities.”  Something I also am more conservative on is when to court.  I agree with S. M. Davis on this area.  That, as far as is possible, you should be absolutely sure that this person is the one that God has designed for you and that this courtship will end in marriage.  I don’t believe it should just be checking the other person out.  That’s what dating is.  No matter what you do, there will be emotional ties made as you get to know the other person, and I don’t think those ties should be with anyone but your spouse.

3 – the timing of romantic emotions

I believe that romantic thoughts and emotions are meant only for your spouse.  You should not allow these to be kindled until you are positive that the relationship will end in marriage.  Generally this means after engagement.

4 – The timing of forms of physical contact

With this, I believe kissing is not even something that should be debated as being before the wedding day.  I don’t believe light hugging or holding hands is even something that should be done before engagement.  I’m not even sure there should be physical contact before marriage.  You do not really belong to each other yet, so you should keep your hands off so to speak. 😉  But I haven’t thought that through as much.

So that’s my basic thoughts on the subject.  Most of my convictions came from S. M. Davis’ sermon entitled, “Seven Biblical Truths Violated by Christian Dating.”  This really opened my eyes to how close to dating some views of courting actually are.  I would highly recommend everyone to listen to Mr. Davis’ sermon.  It’s available at

I’ve ordered a book on courting, so after I receive it and read it I’ll probably have more to say on the subject. 😉



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