Who to choose…

Recently on a forum I which I visit frequently, I started a thread asking if anyone on there ever thought of what they would look for in a husband/wife.  Most of them gave only two “standards” (as I like to call them).  That they be a Christian and that there be mutual love.  But I shared that I expect much more.  This is the list of standards that I have thought over and that I presented.


* He must be a strong Christian. At least the same, but preferably farther in his walk with God than I am. Steadily growing, not stagnant.

* Any guy that would be up for consideration must be a real man as laid out in Scripture. (I can elaborate if necessary)

* He must have a vision for his life. He has no business asking me to join him if he has no idea where he’s going in the first place. ; )

* Things that are important to me must be important to him. Like him being the sole provider for the family, my staying home and homeschooling our kids, having as many kids as the Lord will give us, etc.

* He must hold to Reformed Theology (Calvinism), be an Amillenialist, a conservative Presbyterian, believe in water dunking baptism and believe in the Trinity.

* He must be someone I can respect, spiritually and otherwise. I can’t submit to someone I can’t respect. Also, someone who can truly respect me in turn.


* Hopefully a physical virgin, having saved himself totally for his wife. This includes the first kiss being on the wedding day.

* It would be much preferred if he is an emotional virgin. Not having given his heart away before.

* (This may end up being a must later on, but I’ll put it here for now.) Music is something that is very important to me. I don’t think I could get along with someone who believe that rock music is sinful. I think a disagreement on that subject would cause too much friction.

What many people have been accusing me of is not trusting and relying on the Lord by making up this list.  They think (at least from what I can gather from their replies), that my standards are too high, especially to let God work in my life.

But,  you see, I also see this list as a way to keep myself accountable.  If I know what I’m looking for in a husband, besides being a Christian, then I’m less likely to just give my heart away to just any guy.  I don’t think any of my standards are unreasonable.  There has yet to be any Biblical references against any of them (except Proverbs 3:5-6).

I’m sorry if I sound like I’m whining and complaining.  I’m curious what you, my friends, think of my standards.  Do you think that they restrict my ability to trust in God and lean not on my own understanding?  Please post your comments!



6 Responses

  1. Hi Tee-Kaye!
    I think it is a very good idea to write out some of your requirements. God himself wrote out requirements for the leaders of the people (deacons, and so forth), so I think it is totaly unreasonable to say that you are restricting God when making this list. God wants the best for his people, and I also believe he will honor a righteous request. In this, remeber not to comprimise. I would definitly put purity close to the top of my “musts”!
    *just a clearification. did you say you wouldn’t get along with someone who DID think rock music is sinful, or DIDN’T?
    God Bless You!!!

  2. Thanks so much for commenting! I’m glad someone else agrees with me.

    To clarify, I like some rock music. I only like one band that isn’t Christian, but the only reason I’m allowed to listen to them is because the main songwriter became a Christian and you can see his spiritual journey through the lyrics.


  3. Hey!

    Just one more thing to keep in mind. 😉
    My mom was reading an article in a magazine and it was by a missionary who was in Africa or something, (I don’t remember the details, sorry 😦 ) and two of his daughters were listening to some christian rpck bands when one of the village medicine women came to him and asked: “Why are your daughters calling the evil spirits?” The man was shocked.
    I too have had similar experiences, for instance when we would be in the car on the way home from a really great church service, and you could just feel the spirit of God. Then my sister turned on KLove, and the spirit vanished.
    Also, I’ve noticed that when I listen to bands such as Casting Crowns or something like that, I tend to be cranky. (Weird huh?)
    The Lord calls us to be a peculair people.
    Again, just something to think and pray about. 😉
    God Bless,
    A Daughter of Zion

  4. Are you saying Christian rock is wrong?
    Where in the Bible is stuff like Christian rock banned?
    What makes you think God doesn’t like to be praised with electrical instruments?

  5. No I’m not. I personally don’t see anything wrong with Christian rock. Non-christian, well, of course that’s not glorifying God. 😉 I do understand though, that some people do have Biblical or personal problems with rock music, and that’s okay. I respect their feelings/convictions. I just don’t think I could marry someone who feels that way.


  6. I think you are correct in knowing what you are looking for. I hope you have prayed about everything you put on your list. Because then God is making your list.

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